the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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