its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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