I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
operation have a gay friend backfired
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
