we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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