No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
