how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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