the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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