Having a random hookup so left but love u
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
