If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
