Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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