ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My dick has a subreddit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
