I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
