My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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