Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize