She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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