I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
