worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
