oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
ok first of all what the fuck
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
