and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
