I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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