i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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