I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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