My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
