Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just forgot I was standing up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
