i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
