i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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