Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
