i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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