he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
