Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
