I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
