worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
