i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
