is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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