What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
