are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
