i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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