im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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