I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
