11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
