I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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