i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize