No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
