Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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