is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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