I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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