the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
