my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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