Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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