I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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