I wish my penis had an off switch
Moan for me like Helen Keller
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
