so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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