yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
