I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize