he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
