Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
