so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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