Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
