honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
