I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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