Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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