I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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