i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
