So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
