The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
