i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
