thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
